When Joe, 37, and his wife tried MDMA together for the first time two years ago, he expected to “let loose a little bit and have fun.” Instead, they talked about the trash: why Joe didn’t take it out frequently, why that bothered his wife, and how they could compromise moving forward.

“We just hashed it out,” says Joe, who asked to use a fake name since recreational MDMA use is not legal in the U.S. “It opened up doors that we didn’t even know were there.”

Under the influence of MDMA, the drug also known as ecstasy, Joe and his wife were able to reach new understanding, voicing their true feelings and listening to the other. Now, a few times a year, the New Mexico couple calls a babysitter, goes out to dinner, and spends the ni…